Chip Mom’s Kitchen #14: Buy a Damn Breadmaker

- Posted October 1st, 2014 by

Last Christmas, my ever-so-apt family gifted me my new favorite toy.  It has become one of the single most useful items in my kitchen next to my mixer and my coffee machine.  It preps, pre-heats, monitors, and bakes.  It even makes jelly and jam.  It is so amazing that I haven’t bought a loaf of bread or a package of buns since January.  And if that doesn’t convince you, I can’t wait to show you how easy it is to use so that all of you, dear readers, will take your next opportunity to…

BUY A DAMN BREAD MAKER

Difficulty level:
       Newb          |         Apprentice         |         Journeyman         |         Master

Ok, seriously. Buy one. Now. And use it. LOTS. You won’t regret it. A four year old could successfully operate one of these things.

Quest Items:The beginnings of delicious

1 3/8 cups water
1 1/2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil
1 1/2 teaspoon salt
4 cups bread flour
1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons active dry yeast

 

Musical Accompaniment:

Illustrated Guide:

Ok, I know this might be uncharted territory for you, but go with me here.  Making bread may SOUND like hours at the kitchen turning yourself powdery white and sweating like a woman of ill repute in a house of worship, but in REALITY it is none of those things. Working with a breadmaker is as easy as this: wet stuff, dry stuff, yeasty stuff.  If you can remember that, you can make bread with this machine.  It’s not even as complicated as wall jumping.

20140927_162348

 

 

 

First, plug in your maker and take out the inner bucket.  You put your wet stuff in the bucket first.

 

 

 

Dry Stuff

 

 

Then, you put in your dry stuff. Be gentle to it.  Build it up into a little mountain,  then put a divot in it.  This little volcano crater is where your yeast lives.

 

 

Yeasty Buggers

 

 

And never the twain shall meet. The minute these little yeasties hit the wet stuff, they activate and get to sugar eating.

 

Complete creation

 

 

 

Then they fart out the bubbles that makes the bread fluffy.  Get that process going too soon and you end up with cobblestones instead of bread.

 

 

 

Drop that bad boy into your breadmaker and set the timer.

IN DA HOLE

MSet your breadmaker for DELICIOUSNESSine is set for a french loaf with light crust, but I have a variety of options that even I have yet to take full advantage of.

 

 

 

 

This is when I prove to you how worth it this bread maker thing is.  Instead of spending my day in the kitchen kneading and rising and kneading and rising, I did this:

Kite Runner, for those of you who are curious

And found this:

Thats an okra plant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And played with this:

DA GOOBER

And made this:

FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BREAD IS DONE AND MY HOUSE SMELLS AWESOME!

ALL DONE!

Now slice and devour that fluffy goodness in whatever way pleases you most.

OM NOM NOM NOM

And be happy knowing that you never have to buy cheap, terrible bread ever again and remember… Mama Loves You!

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